You know your life is about to detour when your 13 1/2 (plus 1 day) years old daughter comes out from the bathroom announcing that eventual ever-feminine event. Goodbye little girl. Hello little woman. Suddenly a revelation dawns on me. My baby is no longer a baby but can make a baby!My reaction to her announcement was flat as to mirror her delivery. Several thoughts scrambled in my mind and I had to quickly access which to respond first. Should I A.) perform a "show and tell" the various types of product now needed to accommodate her newly acquired situation B.) share this news with all close family members as if Mega Lotto was won C.) "don't you dare touch a boy 'til you're 21!"
Thought C.) was dominantly on my mind and I decided there and then I didn't like this "new" mommy gig. Consciously I tried to be supportive so I congratulated her with a soft hug but my fear got the better of me and I hardly couldn't wait to remind her that she could get pregnant now ...therefore see paragraph C.).
Today is the second day of her rite of passage. I see her in a different light now. This normal biological function inevitably means hormones viciously doing their job, intense X rated thoughts and feelings, experiments of innocent touch leading to more, schemes and plots to get near their object of desire. Basically: Sex 101.
I am not denying the world's greatest pleasure to anyone, especially someone I love the most. However I am trying to prolong and avoid at all cost my own headache and hopefully heartache that I may and will eventually face with raising a teenage girl. Oh did I also mention that I am a single mother? Since many have commented that I look more like her sister than mother (thanks to long hair, low cut jeans, and funky t shirts available at all retail), perhaps I can go out with her and serve as chaperone/wingwoman. It's actually a wonderful example of the win win concept. She gets to go out, I get to go out. She can flirt with boys and I can chose with whom wh flirts. She has a personal chauffeur and banker and I get to control where she goes and what she spends! Perfection if you ask me. Why wouldn't she want me around? She hangs out in a group like a sheep in a herd and I would just blend like another one of her posses. The more the merrier. I can be pretty immature and speak the vernacular of a hip teen. We raid each other's closet so I already got "the look" down and I still haven't totally grown up and wouldn't hesitate to frequent wherever teens would go. I get to be "young" again! I'm totally cool and happenin'. I'm a funky mama! What'up, homey! Just chillin' like a villain! So fo sho!
Pathetic. I sound ridiculous. Maybe I should just stay home. Come to think of it, I may be trying to relive and reconstruct a past I never had. I want to live vicariously through her youth as it's exciting. Very exciting. So bright her future...This uncharted virgin territory (no pun intended) of a future. I can share with her my mistakes and successes of dating/relationship and life in general. Through her I can see myself as if it were an out of body experience. I would instruct her how to dress, speak, behave, think, be.....Live. As if my methods of psychology were fail proof and flawless and would ensure success, I would be determined that she would never get hurt and make the dumb usual mistakes that all chicks succumb to. Why should she "fail the test" when I already have the answer sheet? I'm her walking-talking-built in-answer to her questions! For God's sake, my whole life time I've been everyone's Dear Abby and Dr. Phil!
I know it's not fair. I'm robbing her of this precious time. She needs to build a repetoire of her own wisdom and most importantly experiences. As a mother, you can only sit back and give them useful tools that would allow them to build a strong foundation for their own future. They need to be hurt, burned, sad, and disappointed. What goes down must come up. Conversely they will also be happy, ecstatic, proud, and in love.
This is a milestone for us both. As she enters adulthood, I enter adulthood again. I need to be sensitive to her feelings, understand her needs, validate her thoughts, and most importantly be an example of what I want her to become: a reasonable and intelligent woman.
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